Girl at the Rock Shows

I typically start my interviews by telling you a little bit about the person I’m interviewing. You know, some background fluff (okay, fluff is a terrible word but I’m having trouble thinking of a better one). I started to do this to preface this super fun interview I got to do with Kai Kaldro but, the truth is, just reading his answers to my quirky questions is more than enough to feel like you’re getting to know this amazing musician so let’s not waste any more time and just jump into it!

Everyone says that every crowd is their favorite but, what city has the best audience and why is it Minneapolis? 

I’ve never been there, but musically; I would imagine that being a part of Minnesota, it’s a similar case to areas like South Florida or Salt Lake Utah being historically conducive to birthing some of the most colorful rock or metal personalities. 

Oftentimes, the more laden by an upbringing of traditionalist middle-America horseshit, the more extreme and kickass the performer is because their flamboyant alter ego was engendered by years of repressing it in favor of looking “clean” for the idiot neighbors with the white picket fences. They have a story to tell and hunger to see the world and see the industry at large, whereas a lot of kids who grow up in NYC or LA are boring, overcompensated, spoiled, desensitized, and don’t know how to fight for anything. 

I was born in NYC and moved back here about 5 years ago, but grew up in Shitholeville, Virginia so I can relate and thankfully that hunger and ambition of mine has led me to doing some real damage and raising hell around here. So yeah, definitely hope to play a show in Minneapolis, and would be honored to meet you in person sometime. 

What’s your go-to coffee order? 

Black coffee with a few ice cubes to cool it down and 3 brown sugars.

What’s the worst concert you’ve ever been to and why? 

Before I reached the age of reason, I worked as a cameraman for all these bands in the NYC area that really fucking sucked, consisting of visionless castrated losers. Most thankless and demoralizing job of all time. A lot of lame-ass cover bands or these post-grunge/pop-punk type guys who have absolutely zero business referring to themselves as “rockers”; boring hairless flannel-clad dipshits with zero stage presence, who just stare at the floor bitching up songs about girls, or how they all peaked in high school. The clowns who’d bring one instrument and play it solo over a karaoke blaster were hilarious too. I can’t believe all these stupid kids who paid money to see that shit. 

They usually performed at these two really bro-y and hoe-y clubs on Bleeker Street called Red Lion and Le Poison Rouge… so yeah, basically any of the shows at those two putrid braindead shitholes were the worst I’ve been to. 

In a sense, it’s all par for the course because that’s where I realized “why the hell am I filming these losers, I should be the one being filmed”, and that revelation led me to where I am now. Thank god I left those fuckers in the dust.

If you were to rob a bank, what would be the song playing in the getaway car as you escape? 

I’m so glad you ask because that was exactly the atmospheric direction that my guitarist, producer and I had while recording my second single Redial For Remnants. A getaway soundtrack. 

What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to? 

Good question. I’ll always have a soft spot for my first one which was Marilyn Manson & Slipknot— 7 years after the fact, I had the honor of meeting Manson guitarist Paul Wiley at the horror convention Spooky Empire in Orlando this last year, who’s now the composer of number of hit slasher films including Terrifier 1 & 2. Super cool dude. 

But I think I might have to go with The Smashing Pumpkins at MSG last year. A band that has been near and dear to my heart since I was a little boy. I loved what a stage production it was, wrestlers and all. 

If you could have dinner with any musician, dead or alive, who would it be and why? 

Speaking of The Smashing Pumpkins, I’d have to go with Katie Cole. She’s been a part of the band as a multiinstrumentalist for the last decade and is kickass. I love her backing vocals on the last few records. I also like her solo work as an Americana/country artist and I’m really transfixed by the versatility and multifaceted nature of her career. 

She’s both a member of such an iconic rock band, but also works as a solo artist; independent of any labels, which is pretty a rare dichotomy, and so it’s been really fascinating, elucidating, and inspiring to listen to interviews and podcasts with her. Would definitely love to meet in person and hang out. 

She killed it that night when I saw them perform at Madison Square Garden. Some of my favorite Pumpkin songs most prominent with Katie’s vocals are CYR (see her solo version on YouTube too), Moss, Where Rain Must Fall, Embracer, and Beguiled. My favorite solo track of Katie’s would be River Flow; that’s one I always listen to on the ride to upstate NY when I’m seeing all the nature and water out of the window. So serene. 

She rocks and has been very cool and down-to-earth in the interactions I’ve had with her on Instagram. Definitely listen to anything Katie Cole has made or been a part of.

What are your go-to pizza toppings? 

Black olives, mushrooms, and green peppers. 

Have you ever been able to finish a Rubik’s Cube? 

No, but I’ve probably unknowingly undone one and ruined someone’s life’s work.

What’s your favorite method of listening to music (i.e. vinyl, cassette, 8-track, etc.) ?

This is one I’m not really pedantic about, while many musicians and discophiles are. I don’t have any of those goodies laying around, because my NYC apartment is the size of a broom closet… yeah, the honest answer is streaming music online. 

If you could compare yourself to a bird, what bird would it be and why? 

All the birds with boob and tit names. Red Footed Booby, Agile Tit Tyrant, Penduline Tit, Brown Tit Babbler, and Great Tit. 

… yeah, look this up, I promise you that these little fuckers are real. I’m not making this up. Gotta audio sample some of their bird calls and make a greatest tits album; wherein all the songs are written and recorded in musical keys corresponding with my favorite bra cup-sizes; A flat, G sharp, and best of all… B Natural. 

If I had to pick, the one I identify with the most is the Agile Tit Tyrant. Sounds hot. 

Favorite lyrics of all time? (it can be a full song, a phrase, etc. just please let me know who it is and what song!) 

Escape by Alice Cooper “my doctor said just come around and you’ll be taken care of… and while he ran my problems down, I stole his mascara”. 

What’s one thing I should know before listening to ‘Post Coital, Pre Mortem”? 

Compositionally and thematically, I think the idea was if Rob Zombie’s Living Dead Girl, Iggy Pop’s Nightclubbing, and Sex Type Thing by Stone Temple Pilots had a Hitchockian film-noir themed bastard child. The intention was to instrumentally replicate the mysterious atmosphere of old 1940s detective films in an industrial rock soundscape, and but then lyrically flip the script by bluntly and sardonically addressing the obvious libidinous nature of those films that Hollywood at the time made hilariously transparent attempts to obfuscate thru the prudish Hays Code stipulations. That’s where the dark humor of the song is enacted.

I’m definitely getting a bit of a shock rock vibe here. How did you get into that world? 

I’ve never thought it was only “about the music” and for the record, I absolutely hate it when these boring bro-y flannel-clad fucks who wish they were alive during the Seattle grunge era say that. My favorite rock/metal singers have always been the ones with really strong personalities who have a theatrical quality and distinct presence. The ones who make you say “wow, what a character”… because in essence, they’re playing one. 

Anyone with half a brain can comprehend that say Malcolm McDowell isn’t Alex DeLarge from Clockwork Orange and Sharon Stone isn’t Catherine Tramell from Basic Instinct, that those are simply character who they play in a movies, but with music; the general public can never quite seem to wrap their head around this notion and that’s where all the boogeymen like who I grew up loving and take inspiration from like Alice Cooper, Rob Zombie, Marilyn Manson, and all the Slipknot guys were born… 

I’ve always felt strongly that performing as a singer is the same thing as acting and that concerts should be big stage productions with a lot of choreography. Truthfully, I never really try to shock, I just try to entertain, but oftentimes those two are synonymous. A lot of the naysayers are too proud to admit it, but the stories and imagery in horror movies or heavy metal that they pretend to be repulsed by definitely holds their attention span more powerfully than most things, and I think not being able to turn their brain off as easily as they can when consuming shitty pop music and Marvel comic book movies is a threat to them. Love it or hate it, one thing you can’t say is that it bores you. 

In today’s castrated, antiseptic world that is laden by oversensitivity, politically correct language, arbitrary hypocritical social cues, sycophantic lip servicing to certain cliques or causes as social currency (where else other than social media), I think it’s important and very liberating to speak your honest mind, let alone to express it in the universal collaborative language that transcends anyone person’s ego; being art. Even and especially if you’re considered an offender or an agitator and bullied into a corner with the ultimately empty threat of getting thrown in “Twitter jail” or “canceled”… 

If anyone tries pulling that shit on me, the joke is kind of them because I’m so obscure and indie that at this rate, they’d only be doing me a favor in terms of publicity so BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! GOTCHA, SUCKERS!

I love the imagery that you use in the video. Were you thinking about the visuals you would put in a video for this track while writing the song? 

Thank you. 100%, that’s actually how most of my songs are written. They’re sort of like film scores to all these music-video type set pieces I picture in my head, but with lyrics. I can always picture the scene and the events I’m singing about. The guitar solo scoring the eye-gouge sequence was always a premonition I had, for sure. 

I know that this track is on the soundtrack for ‘Desert Fiends’. How did you land that?! 

That was the catalyst for everything. At the time, I had a rough demo of Post Coital, Pre Mortem— which is the first single from my album. At the time, I was very much kinda rolling with my fingers crossed and only planned for my first musical production to be an EP with a few songs… but now it’s metamorphosed into a full LP, with several of the tracks making their way into all-star cast slasher films. Pretty bitchin’. 

After the music supervisor for Desert Fiends put out a call on Facebook looking for cool rock or metal songs, I was referred and placidly submitted my demo of Post Coital, Pre Mortem, knowing absolutely nothing about the film. I soon heard back and the song got licensed instantly in it’s infant stage before it was even recorded… and then when the 

party really got started is when I found out it had this huge all-star cast full of faces from my all time favorite movies I grew up with like Eric Roberts, Bai Ling, Tom Arnold, Lorelei Linklater, Scout Taylor Compton, Lisa Wilcox, Spencer Breslin, and many more. 

The Crow is my favorite film and my favorite soundtrack is where I discovered all my favorite bands growing up who inspire me most like The Cure, Stone Temple Pilots, Nine Inch Nails, Pantera, and Rage Against The Machine… So now, my music being picked up for a Bai Ling soundtrack is a surreal honor that feels like coming full circle… but hopefully it’s only just begun. 

I met Bai Ling few months ago at a horror show in Atlantic City, super cool chick. As soon as I approached her, she said “wow, you’re so hot. Are you a rock star?”… I responded “well, actually one of my songs is in the soundtrack of your upcoming film Desert Fiends”. Best moment of my entire life. This boy’s dream sure came true. 

Nicole Vegas, producer of Desert Fiends, has been a huge support this year who I’m eternally grateful for. Nicole is very open, honest, caring, and I’ve learnt a lot from her. She’s someone who gets me back in the swing of things when I have shitty days. I think musically, she’s been my biggest support and advocate. Love her.

The video almost feels like a short film– are you big into movies? 

Yeah. For a long time, I pigeonholed myself into strictly being involved in film and behind the camera, but then I decided I had more to offer than just bossing people around. There was always this writing on the wall that I had a photogenic and rockin’ music potential that I self-deprecatingly dismissed it when anyone said so, I guess out of fear of being perceived as hokey or vain and because the few people I had in my life at the time were all anti-rock losers who weren’t real supportive, but I wasn’t really happy with where I had placed myself either. 

Once I cut the cord with the anti-rock losers I was hanging around and I found my way into the very effusive horror world and started attending conventions… there was suddenly a lot of interest in my being on stage or on camera. That was a big push and support, which I’m eternally grateful for, in terms of me finally compounding my filmmaker life with a music one and even an acting one. Professionally, personally, and spiritually; it’s been a big step in the right direction. 

The music video for POST COITAL, PRE MORTEM was a big artistic rebirth with cast & crew who were all unshockable horror hounds. Can’t wait to shoot the next music video, for my song REDIAL FOR REMNANTS. 

What’s your favorite movie? 

It’s a 4 way tie between The Crow, Rear Window, The Devil’s Rejects, and this Irish movie starring Evanna Lynch (best known as Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter) called My Name Is Emily… but probably The Crow. 

Can you tell me who this song was written about? 

Uhh.. Hmmm… I should hope nobody I know personally. I’ve known all too many crazy manipulative chicks, but none of them were homicidal (shit, I would at least kind of respect them if that lived up to that), nor were they interesting enough to warrant being song material. 

It’s sort of a sardonic reassessment of the classic detective seduced by the femme fatale trope in film noir, but it’s a lot more blunt about the sexual and blood-splattered nature of those films. It can be really hard as a singer-songwriter to ever convey irony when the lyrics are in the first person because they‘re often misconstrued at face value if you’re singing about violence or atrocities, but I was real adamant that certain lyrics being sung from the femme fatale’s point of view felt the most effective.

If you had to have a top-40 artist cover this track, who would you hope it would be? 

Because parts of the song are written from a woman’s point of view (or rather, re; the music video, a male psycho killer who’s Norman Bates type female alter ego is a big lecherous treacherous blonde babe) I think it’d be badass if a harder rock/metal band 

with a female singer like say The Pretty Reckless or Halestorm did a cover. I think Taylor Momsen and Lzzy Hale would kick ass. The lyrical makings aren’t far off from that of some of their songs and it’d flow/fit pretty naturally. That’d be the dream. 

Where did you write “Post Coital, Pre Mortem”? 

During my walks through Greenwood Cemetery in Park Slope and while I was daydreaming at the various shitty temp jobs I had at the time and subsequently fired from for being “easily distracted”… I haven’t the foggiest idea what they could be referring to! 

Can we expect more dark and creepy tracks from you very soon? 

Hell yeah! My next single HIS GIRL FRIDAY THE 13TH goes live on January 12th and is soon to be heard in another upcoming slasher flick titled THE FARMHOUSE MURDERS starring Larry Hankin (Escape from Alcatraz, Home Alone, Breaking Bad, and Friends) and Marlon Taylor (Mike Hanlon from the original Stephen King IT miniseries). 

The best has yet to come.

There’s something about that last line, “The best has yet to come.”– it feels a bit like a threat but also a heartfelt promise that has chills running up my spine. Again, I would use this space to tell you a bit more about the act that I just interviewed but Kai went so in-depth and gave so much heart with every answer– I feel like that tells you more about him as a human than I ever could. So, now that you’ve gotten to know Kai a bit more, give his new song “Post Coital, Pre Mortem” a listen and make sure to follow Kai on his socials!

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