Girl at the Rock Shows

It’s my first night off from concerts in a couple of days, and honestly, it feels good to be home. My desk is finally somewhat clean, as is my house, and, truthfully, the feeling of just being at home with a candle going in the living room and dinner cooking in the kitchen just feels right tonight. That being said, I’m thirsty for some new music, and since I’m not going to get it from a show tonight, I figure I may as well quench that thirst by checking out some new music, starting with Cleo Handler’s new album ‘compare & contrast.’

This quick thirteen-track album starts with the title track, “compare & contrast.” I was instantly taken aback by the darkness of the vocals. Although there were times throughout this opening song where I felt they could have used more dynamics than I was given, I loved how it cast this almost eerie shadow over the track as Cleo questions if you ever “think about me.” It’s a heartbreaking kind of track as you realize that the ending isn’t a happy one as Cleo goes on to talk about how sometimes it’s like “admitting a plant’s finally died,” but, at the same time, there’s an undeniable sense of beauty that radiated throughout this track.

The feeling of heartbreak continues into “marathon,” but it turns into something sweeter and less love-drunk. There’s an innocence to this song that brings an almost childlike energy with the way that Cleo sings about how she may have lost her chance on a marathon runner. Okay, the song is undoubtedly deeper than that but I love how this song moves. Throughout the two minutes and seventeen seconds that this song lasts, you see Cleo’s voice dance between the darkness laid out in “compare & contrast” until something a bit headier and more whimsical.

That whimsy continues into “funny seeing you here.” This was instantly a favorite song of mine because it has a very Kimya Dawson vibe. It’s a vibe I heard in the first two songs, but it comes to fruition here. The overall recording quality is a bit rough, but it comes off as charming and seems to really highlight the diary-styled lyrics. The way the quick track (it’s under two minutes) leads into “suspension of disbelief” is genius. From a sense of optimism to this more bitter-tasting track, your head will be left spinning trying to follow the storyline these two songs make in this album, but, at the same time, you will realize that it’s following the rollercoaster that is life.

A grunge element comes into play when it comes to the fifth track on this album, “galway.” Although there’s instrumentation throughout this album, it remains light and sparse until this track, and I loved how it changed the overall vibe of this album almost instantly. It’s a full song with Cleo’s signature vocals and lyrical style still at the forefront, but it gives you a bit more insight into Cleo’s creativity when it comes to composition and fitting many pieces together to create a diary entry of sorts. She continues to dive into this more grunge-inspired style when it comes to “summer.” This song is short at just a minute and fifteen seconds, making it feel a bit like an interlude more than a full song, but, at the same time, it’s clearly a full thought.

Another favorite of mine from this album is “rules.” This song is perfectly infectious in a way that only Cleo Handler could create. Again, it’s a raw sound that I understand won’t be for everyone, but as you listen to this song, just put yourself in Cleo’s shoes. It won’t be hard to find something to relate to in this song, and it will be so hard to get the hum-along chorus out of your head. The way this catchiness blends back into the heartbreak that comes with “think about you” is another showing of Cleo’s genius. From a sense of her signature childlike optimism to a more mature bitter taste like the one felt in “suspension of disbelief,” I just loved how this eighth song continued to take you through, what I’m now realizing is, the dating scene. It took me over half of the album to get to this point. I alluded to it when I mentioned that this album feels like the rollercoaster of life, but as I listened to the lyrics of “think about you,” I realized that this was a bit more pinpointed to be about being lost in the world of dating. I feel like that made me look at the final five songs in a completely different light.

The raw vulnerability of “bubbles” really hit me. “Riding home on the Q train, staring out at the sky, I don’t know why I started to cry…” I’ve never been on the “Q train.” Heck, I couldn’t even tell you where that is, but I can tell you I have had many Uber rides and many flights where I was looking out the window and just started to cry for no apparent reason. Hearing someone sing about this experience hit me to my core and honestly had me one step away from a breakdown by the time the two-minute-long song came to a close. Thankfully, Cleo was there with another more pungent track in the form of “break into 3.” Again, the rise and falls throughout this album are perfectly placed and although “break into 3” wasn’t my favorite song on the album and almost passed me by without really hooking me, I understood and appreciated its place on this album as a whole.

This album is riddled with the trials and tribulations of modern-day dating, which is a topic that, although I can’t relate to right now, I understand, so I really liked to hear the more empowering momentum of “easy.” This eleventh track is more about knowing what you want and, more importantly, what you don’t. There’s an “easy”-going vibe to this song that I like as it seems to drive the point home that when you stand up for what you want and deserve, things may get slightly “easier” for you. The empowered vibe of “easy” flows into “maybe you’ve noticed” as Cleo seems to call out all of those failed dates. “Maybe you’ve noticed that none of these songs are about” is how the track starts. It’s kind of like a call out and, sure, maybe some of these songs are about you, but this second-to-last song seems to be Cleo’s line in the stand as far as saying, “You’re done taking up space in my mind and heart.”

“happy baby” ends the whirlwind of an adventure that is ‘compare & contrast.’ This final track brings it all together by combining the heartbreak heard at the beginning of the album, the bitterness in the middle, and the more empowered vibe of the last few tracks. “happy baby” may not be the most upbeat song to end on for this album but it made sense and continued to tell the story of Cleo Handler’s ‘compare & contrast.’

Overall, the quality of this album is a bit rough around the edges, but if Kimya Dawson can do it and hit the mainstream with her work showing up in the movie Juno, why can’t Cleo Handler? The raw approach to everything in this album just seems to drive home this honest and vulnerable side of Cleo that she puts front and center throughout this album, making it a journey that is absolutely worth taking. Even if you don’t fall in love with the overall style, you will surely find yourself in at least one or more of these tracks, and that is the whole point of music, right? To get your deepest and darkest feelings out there and hope that someone else can relate to them. Well, Cleo, you hit the nail on the head, and there were many moments throughout this album that I found completely relateable and painfully beautiful in all of the right ways.

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